If this looks like a spectacle you'd enjoy, by all means...
I have to admit that Roller Derby was never on my radar. I had only a vague idea that it existed, that there was some kind of cool subculture behind it, but it was one of those “scenes” I wasn’t privy to.
That is, until my girlfriend kept asking me if I wanted to go to the season opener of the Detroit Derby Girls.
I said no initially, and I forgot about it until the day of. She had friends to go with, and I just wasn’t that interested. When the time came, though, I decided to go with her because I knew she really wanted me to go. So we got in the car and headed over to Cobo Hall.
From what I understand, this year is the first year that the Detroit Derby Girls (DDG) is in Cobo. They were previously at Detroit’s Masonic Temple, which got too small for the crowd the DDG was drawing. Well, no issues here, because Cobo Arena is pretty darned big, and there was plenty of room to grow.
When we arrived, the crowd was eclectic; lots of different and quirky types. Roller Derby is definitely a punk-ish subculture; lots of wild hair and loud outfits, lots of ripped stockings, combat boots, and ostentation. The whole vibe is “sexy but tough, and if you don’t like it, I’ll punch you.”
The program was very helpful, because not only did it show every player’s name, but it also explained the rules for those of us who aren’t familiar. I referred to the rules page over and over again throughout the matches.
One of the things with Roller Derby is that the players don’t use their real names. They use pseudonyms that are usually faux-dark, playful, and/or funny. Names like ‘Bytch Rider’, ‘Honey Suckitt’, and ‘Jenn Ann Tonic’. The team names are equally in-your-face. The Detroit Pistoffs, Killamazoo, and The Devil’s Night Dames, just to name a few.
The whole thing has the same vibe as fake pro wrestling. It’s half show, half sport.
But therein lies the rub; they come across as though they want to be taken 100% seriously: the program admonishes the uninitiated with sentences like “It’s more than just turning left” and explains the complicated rules in great detail. It’s definitely a strenuous-looking sport, don’t get me wrong. However, it’s hard to understand where the showmanship line stops and the sport line begins. Yes, I know you’re a hardcore athlete, but you’re wearing sequined booty-shorts with thigh-high fishnet stockings and your hair is in pigtails. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling right now.
The only pre-conceived notion I brought with me was that the sport was brutal and violent. I learned quickly that it’s not. From my layman’s perspective, it seemed like the girls weren’t allowed to touch each other. The “jammer” (the point scorer) is supposed to skate around the group and pass opposing players while her team clears the way. The opponents are supposed to block the jammer. From where I was sitting, it looked like the blockers weren’t really allowed to block the jammer though; the only tool in their block arsenal appeared to be “stick my butt out to the side and hope to bump the jammer.” No elbows, arms, or hands. There were barely any spills, definitely no rough-and-tumble bruising or low-blow punches thrown. It was very gentle.
There was a lot of showmanship; the halftime intermission featured the Detroit Party Marching Band, which is quite a show if you’ve never experienced it.
The games last a half an hour, but stretch out into almost an hour with time-outs and other pauses. With two matches plus a halftime show, you’re in for a long night.
Roller Derby is something you should experience at least once in your lifetime. I recommend that everyone should go to a match. After that, you’ll know whether or not it’s something for you.
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This post is brought to you by the fine folks at Paragon Apartments, offering apartments across Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, and Kentucky, and the Paragon Patio, where residents connect. We’d love to talk with you on Facebook and Twitter!
